Monday, February 2, 2009

Well it's now February

Wow it seems like time just keeps passing even though I really want it to stop 90% of the time. I know it has been 18 months or so but it never changes the pain. The last 2-3 days I have been really thinking about Taylor. I go through this a lot especially now that I have finally found someone to finally say to me it was time for me to think of myself and to grieve the right way. Because I have always wanted everyone, mostly my family, to know that I was ok with everything that had happened I just buried it and never really finished my grieving process. I have in the last 3 months been allowing myself to grieve the way I should have a year ago. I know I went thought the normal grief in the beginning but then just hid it. I always thought that I have to hide it and be the strong one and make sure I take care of everyone else and not myself. Well I have been taking care of myself and believe me it has been scary to go through grief that no mother or father should ever go through but I know now that yes it is scary but you do come on through it on the other side. It has been very hard but it has been the time I believe in my life to finally just let go of all the feelings that I have been burying.

I have also been connected to some of the most amazing women who have gone through something similar. Even though it is not a way you want to meet someone in this way and through a loss of a child, I am so happy that I have been connected with them. They have helped me to be more open here at home and now through my blog. I have so much to post but not enough time. Plus being on my husbands computer I don't have all my pic's and stuff to post. So I guess this week will be the week that I get all my stuff up here. I have so much to share and I am going to have to sign off soon but I have a story about why I have named my blog Dragonfly dreams and Other Stories. So goodnight and sweetdreams for now.