Wednesday, March 11, 2009

OMG!!!! I am so far behind!!!

I am so sorry. I keep forgetting to hit here and post and I think about it when I am not near a computer then when I am on one I forget. The mommy brain definitely kicks in. There is so much going on right now with my feelings and just life in general. I have been feeling kind of lonely lately but of course it is kind of in my mind and I really am not lonely. I just don't have a really close girlfriend that I can just call and say hey I need to talk. I have been burned by so many girlfriends that it is hard to really get close to someone and call them and true friend. I am sure about 90% of women feel the same way. But it is also my fault too. I tend to pick the people who need me or are just there for a short time. And you would think that someone who has been with her hubby since high school would be able to keep a good friend around. I guess I am defective that way. But lately I wish I had the friend to just be able to call and say "hey I need to talk and they understand that it is about how I am feeling about Taylor or just what I need to get out. It all stems back to me not wanting anyone else to feel like they have to talk or that they see me feeling upset or sad. It is hard to show sometimes on the outside because you are so afraid to lose it completely. Plus I feel like sometimes people should just know what I need and feel fine letting me talk about it. But it kind of makes people nervous because they don't know what to say. I have a guy friend I could talk to but I think he has a hard time hearing the story and I feel bad. Plus some guys don't get it really unless they have kids (he doesn't have kids yet). Ok now I am just rambling on and on with my pity party and I just know there are other women out there who feel the same and I am not the only odd duck about keeping friends. But then again I could be!!

I am nervous about Friday. I am having Carpal Tunnel Recovery surgery. I have never had any type of surgery at all and the fear of the unknown is weirding me out. Although a friend of mine on facebook also made a good point that comforted me a little is that I am lucky to have my own personal angel to watch over me Friday. Of course me being a little off emotionally lately it brought tears to my eyes to remember that as well as being dumb and forgetting I always have an angel watching me. How can I forget that!!! But she was right and I actually feel a little better about Friday now.

Well now that I have rambled on for a little bit I am taking off. I am sure I will be back on here in the next few days to check in and update everyone.